I'm eager to be pregnant. It's hard to be surrounded by pregnancy daily, and totally ready to be there yourself. And it's everywhere! Every day I hear of someone else who is preggers. Jealous, yes!
I want to be nauseous. I want to have a bump and can't wait to buy a belly band and maternity clothes. I want to have cravings. I can't wait to waddle. I'm crazy, I know.
And all these years of being the expert -- to patients, friends, and family members -- I know exactly which (expensive) stroller I want. I know which crib, and carseat, and bouncy seat, and jumper. I know which breast pump! Although I'm superstitious and wouldn't want any baby products around pre-baby, I can't wait to start making my wants public.
And maybe I'm slightly obsessive. I know when my due date would be if I got pregnant this month (12/20), and I know when it would be "safe" to share the news (12 weeks = 6/15, which is perfect timing since we'll be in Europe for the 2 weeks before that). I've thought about the issues this Europe trip will bring; since my mom/sister/grandparents will be with us for 13 nights I'll have to share the news at 10 weeks with them. And I've thought about the fact that if I don't get pregnant this month but DO next month, I'll only be 6 weeks in Europe -- not ready to share the news, but possibly symptomatic (and not drinking Italian wine with everyone else). So yeah, I'm already worried about what to do.
As people try to make plans with us for July, and September, and November --- I keep thinking "I can't commit! What if .... "
I don't know what I'll do if it takes a long time to get pregnant. I know it's possible, and even likely, given my age and everything else. I know I won't wait longer than six months to see my doctor (so if I get my period in August, which works out well bc I'd be due for an annual in September anyway). But mentally? I'm not sure how I'll be able to handle it. I just keep praying I won't have to.
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Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Cycling
Sorry if this is TMI -- you've been warned.
I've been on birth control for over 13 years. I was originally put on it bc of migraines, really bad cramps, and anemia. The migraines were thought to be from the drop in estrogen that precedes a period, so the first Gyn I went to also put me on an estrogen patch during the placebo week so there wouldn't be as much of a drop.
When he retired, my new Gyn said "well why do you need to get a period anyway?" (many people like the confirmation that you aren't pregnant -- abstinence was good enough proof for me!) So I went on an "extended cycle," skipping the placebos, years before Seasonale (and its progeny) were available.
I was down to about 3 periods a year, and they lasted 2 days. No real associated symptoms. My new Gyn told me a couple years ago that I "was going to be one of those people who is upset when they are ready to get pregnant because it'll mean having real periods."
I just finished my first real cycle (off OCP's for 5.5 weeks). It wasn't as bad I remembered -- but maybe my 32 yr old self can handle more than my 18 yr old self could. (or maybe it wasn't really as bad as it was.)
But the actual cycling? Whew. I recognize that I've been meaner to my husband at times -- going from happy to pissed in 1.2 seconds. And then recovering way faster than he can! He told me one morning I had been mean the night before. I didn't even remember it (it was about water on the floor after his shower, I think). Sorry!! Also: crazy fatigue one week. And there has been a LOT of chocolate consumed in my apartment the past 6 weeks!!
I don't think I ovulated (in can take a few months and the predictor kit never gave me a :-) -- I was using it out of curiosity for my body's ability to return to normal), but I certainly went through a full hormonal cycle. And a real period! Ugh, it was so much better the old way. I was worried it would be a very long cycle as my body recovers from the past 13 years, but it was a precise 30 days.
So maybe I will ovulate this month! Here's to hoping.
(and no, I don't subscribe to the belief that you shouldn't get pregnant for 3 months after stopping OCP's. It can take that long to become regular, but if you do ovulate that egg is just as healthy as any other. I'm trying to prevent myself from getting upset it does take longer to ovulate, knowing that my body has been prevented from doing its business for a long time, but that's no reason not to try.)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I've been on birth control for over 13 years. I was originally put on it bc of migraines, really bad cramps, and anemia. The migraines were thought to be from the drop in estrogen that precedes a period, so the first Gyn I went to also put me on an estrogen patch during the placebo week so there wouldn't be as much of a drop.
When he retired, my new Gyn said "well why do you need to get a period anyway?" (many people like the confirmation that you aren't pregnant -- abstinence was good enough proof for me!) So I went on an "extended cycle," skipping the placebos, years before Seasonale (and its progeny) were available.
I was down to about 3 periods a year, and they lasted 2 days. No real associated symptoms. My new Gyn told me a couple years ago that I "was going to be one of those people who is upset when they are ready to get pregnant because it'll mean having real periods."
I just finished my first real cycle (off OCP's for 5.5 weeks). It wasn't as bad I remembered -- but maybe my 32 yr old self can handle more than my 18 yr old self could. (or maybe it wasn't really as bad as it was.)
But the actual cycling? Whew. I recognize that I've been meaner to my husband at times -- going from happy to pissed in 1.2 seconds. And then recovering way faster than he can! He told me one morning I had been mean the night before. I didn't even remember it (it was about water on the floor after his shower, I think). Sorry!! Also: crazy fatigue one week. And there has been a LOT of chocolate consumed in my apartment the past 6 weeks!!
I don't think I ovulated (in can take a few months and the predictor kit never gave me a :-) -- I was using it out of curiosity for my body's ability to return to normal), but I certainly went through a full hormonal cycle. And a real period! Ugh, it was so much better the old way. I was worried it would be a very long cycle as my body recovers from the past 13 years, but it was a precise 30 days.
So maybe I will ovulate this month! Here's to hoping.
(and no, I don't subscribe to the belief that you shouldn't get pregnant for 3 months after stopping OCP's. It can take that long to become regular, but if you do ovulate that egg is just as healthy as any other. I'm trying to prevent myself from getting upset it does take longer to ovulate, knowing that my body has been prevented from doing its business for a long time, but that's no reason not to try.)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Our Story
My previous blog ended with my engagement to Mr. W. What's happened since?
We got married 6 months after getting engaged (and 16 months to the day after our first date). Why the "rush," many asked. I never saw it as rushing (in fact, in religious circles, that was a very long engagement!). I wanted to plan a gorgeous, classical wedding. I wanted to enjoy the wedding. And then I wanted to be married! I guess if you are living with your sig other, then there's no need to get engaged or married within any kind of time frame. But once I knew that Mr W was the guy I wanted to spend my life with, why shouldn't we start that life right away?
We've been married 3.5 mos. We waited one month before going on an amazing honeymoon to Costa Rica. We have been living in a 500 sq foot studio apartment. And now we are trying for a baby.
Again, why the rush? I know that's what you are thinking. Unless you are in the group who feels the need to ask all the time "when are you having a baby?"
I'm 32 (he's 30), and we want a big family. Minimum 3 kids, G-d willing. So that's a big part of it.
We've each lived our "single lives," and while there are certainly still places we both want to travel, there isn't really anything else on our lists of "must do pre-kids."
We love each other. And part of the reason we fell in love with each other is because we had the same desires for family life. Neither of us see any reason to wait.
But I'm slightly neurotic. I know too much, sometimes (I'm a pediatrician). So I'm fully aware of all the reasons we could have trouble getting pregnant. I'm fully aware of all the millions of things that could go wrong once pregnant. Not to mention all the things that could happen afterwards, but I don't thing about that.
I crave a baby of my own. While I love my job, it's hard to see cute babies every day and not have one. It's also hard to be an expert on things -- breastfeeding, sleep training, discipline, etc, etc -- and not actually be an expert on anything. On top of all that, I feel very "behind" everyone else. Everyone I know, it feels like, has a kid. Or 2, or 3. And I'm lagging way behind.
And when you want to be pregnant, you see pregnancy everywhere! Doesn't help that I work with 99% women. And with Facebook, I know the updates for probably 600 people I wouldn't otherwise be in touch with. So it's everywhere!
So that's where we are. About to move into a bigger apartment, with actual room for a baby (and a pregnant woman, which this apartment doesn't have room for!). Making plans for our future. Hoping to grow our family.
More on my personal stuff later.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
We got married 6 months after getting engaged (and 16 months to the day after our first date). Why the "rush," many asked. I never saw it as rushing (in fact, in religious circles, that was a very long engagement!). I wanted to plan a gorgeous, classical wedding. I wanted to enjoy the wedding. And then I wanted to be married! I guess if you are living with your sig other, then there's no need to get engaged or married within any kind of time frame. But once I knew that Mr W was the guy I wanted to spend my life with, why shouldn't we start that life right away?
We've been married 3.5 mos. We waited one month before going on an amazing honeymoon to Costa Rica. We have been living in a 500 sq foot studio apartment. And now we are trying for a baby.
Again, why the rush? I know that's what you are thinking. Unless you are in the group who feels the need to ask all the time "when are you having a baby?"
I'm 32 (he's 30), and we want a big family. Minimum 3 kids, G-d willing. So that's a big part of it.
We've each lived our "single lives," and while there are certainly still places we both want to travel, there isn't really anything else on our lists of "must do pre-kids."
We love each other. And part of the reason we fell in love with each other is because we had the same desires for family life. Neither of us see any reason to wait.
But I'm slightly neurotic. I know too much, sometimes (I'm a pediatrician). So I'm fully aware of all the reasons we could have trouble getting pregnant. I'm fully aware of all the millions of things that could go wrong once pregnant. Not to mention all the things that could happen afterwards, but I don't thing about that.
I crave a baby of my own. While I love my job, it's hard to see cute babies every day and not have one. It's also hard to be an expert on things -- breastfeeding, sleep training, discipline, etc, etc -- and not actually be an expert on anything. On top of all that, I feel very "behind" everyone else. Everyone I know, it feels like, has a kid. Or 2, or 3. And I'm lagging way behind.
And when you want to be pregnant, you see pregnancy everywhere! Doesn't help that I work with 99% women. And with Facebook, I know the updates for probably 600 people I wouldn't otherwise be in touch with. So it's everywhere!
So that's where we are. About to move into a bigger apartment, with actual room for a baby (and a pregnant woman, which this apartment doesn't have room for!). Making plans for our future. Hoping to grow our family.
More on my personal stuff later.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Starting a(nother) blog
I've kept blogs before, but I'm not so great at staying up to date on them. Long before blogs, I attempted journaling several times, always with good intentions. And always failed.
Case in point: doctorsinnow.blogspot.com
So why keep another one? Especially when I have no intent on sharing this with anyone (yet)?
I've got things on my mind. Things I'd like to record. Maybe one day I will feel like sharing, and this will turn into a place to do that efficiently. Right now,it's a place for me to just let go. I'd say "hope you enjoy it," but there's no "you" yet. So I hope I enjoy it!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Case in point: doctorsinnow.blogspot.com
So why keep another one? Especially when I have no intent on sharing this with anyone (yet)?
I've got things on my mind. Things I'd like to record. Maybe one day I will feel like sharing, and this will turn into a place to do that efficiently. Right now,it's a place for me to just let go. I'd say "hope you enjoy it," but there's no "you" yet. So I hope I enjoy it!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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