Wow, I'm on a roll with 3 posts in one day. It's been a tiring day.
Another friend just told me she's pregnant. That makes 3 pregnancies I've found out about in the past week. Sigh.
It was hard when I was practically the last one of my friends to get married. And so of course I will be the last one of my friends to have a baby. (Although I do have some single friends, they are all in a different group than the close group of friends I have from college.) I've being "lapped" by many of my friends -- they have 2 or 3 already, and I'm just trying to get going on my first.
I don't regret my life's choices -- going to medical school and becoming a pediatrician is exactly what I should have done with my life. And I just wasn't fortunate to find Mr. W for a while -- I dated a bunch of duds before we met. We didn't drag our heels, either -- got engaged 10 months after we met, and married 6 months after that. And started TTC just over 2 months later. But still. It's hard. That's all.
Monday, May 21, 2012
The Waiting Game
People who have been in the TTC (trying to conceive) world know that everything happens in two week intervals. From the first day of your period, you have around two weeks to wait until you ovulate. Then you have the 2WW (two-week wait) before you are supposed to POAS and hope for that BFP.
The 2WW is the worst, I think. Because personally, I have a hard time letting go during that time. If it's possible I might be pregnant, do I really want to drink a lot of caffeine or alcohol? Or take Advil for my headache? Or eat sushi? And yes, I know that physiologically it's probably fine, but it's not easy for me to 100% let go when I have seen a lot of problems from early pregnancy risks.
This upcoming trip to Europe is a good example. I told Mr. W that he can't go in the hot tub before I ovulate, b/c that could affect his swimmers. And then I'm not going to go in the hot tub after I ovulate, b/c raising the body's temperature too much could affect implantation. So we won't be able to enjoy going in together. :-(
However, I have decided to drink on the vacation. I'm not a huge drinker anyway, but it's vacation -- with my family -- and we all like to enjoy ourselves. And I'm sure I'll need my caffeine -- likely Diet Cokes -- to get me through the long days in amazing places like Florence, Rome, and Athens.
I have been eating more sushi the past week -- I figure we won't really get any on the trip, and then I might not be able to eat any for 38 more weeks, so I might as well enjoy it now.
And as I think of things to pack for the trip, I know I need more tylenol than advil -- I don't want to take NSAID's during the 2WW b/c it can also affect implantation.
But here's the real question: Do I bring any pregnancy tests? If I ovulate on CD18 (cycle day), like I have been, then I will be 11 dpo (days post ovulation) when we get back. That's right around when you *should* get a BFP. So if I bring any, it would be to test early. Which could bum me out, and could be false negatives. But I'm not sure I can make it until we get back.....I have to ruminate on this some.
The 2WW is the worst, I think. Because personally, I have a hard time letting go during that time. If it's possible I might be pregnant, do I really want to drink a lot of caffeine or alcohol? Or take Advil for my headache? Or eat sushi? And yes, I know that physiologically it's probably fine, but it's not easy for me to 100% let go when I have seen a lot of problems from early pregnancy risks.
This upcoming trip to Europe is a good example. I told Mr. W that he can't go in the hot tub before I ovulate, b/c that could affect his swimmers. And then I'm not going to go in the hot tub after I ovulate, b/c raising the body's temperature too much could affect implantation. So we won't be able to enjoy going in together. :-(
However, I have decided to drink on the vacation. I'm not a huge drinker anyway, but it's vacation -- with my family -- and we all like to enjoy ourselves. And I'm sure I'll need my caffeine -- likely Diet Cokes -- to get me through the long days in amazing places like Florence, Rome, and Athens.
I have been eating more sushi the past week -- I figure we won't really get any on the trip, and then I might not be able to eat any for 38 more weeks, so I might as well enjoy it now.
And as I think of things to pack for the trip, I know I need more tylenol than advil -- I don't want to take NSAID's during the 2WW b/c it can also affect implantation.
But here's the real question: Do I bring any pregnancy tests? If I ovulate on CD18 (cycle day), like I have been, then I will be 11 dpo (days post ovulation) when we get back. That's right around when you *should* get a BFP. So if I bring any, it would be to test early. Which could bum me out, and could be false negatives. But I'm not sure I can make it until we get back.....I have to ruminate on this some.
Trying to not get stressed....
Last month I thought I had a BFP (big fat positive) -- but it was on a cheap pregnancy test, past the time limit. So then I was obsessing, and thought every twinge I felt meant I was pregnant, and would POAS (pee on a stick) everyday -- until my period arrived. I was totally bummed, and so was Mr. W.
On to a new cycle and a new opportunity, though, right? I had been charting but decided not to this month. We are leaving for Europe in a few days and will be there for 17 days! So maybe we will get lucky on vacation.
It's only been 4 months, and I know it can take time for the body to adjust post OCP's. But it is frustrating. Mr. W asked why I didn't go off the OCP's earlier, since it can take awhile, and I responded that I didn't want to have to worry about anything around the wedding and/or honeymoon -- and I think in retrospect, I wouldn't have done anything different. Maybe I would have stopped them immediately after the honeymoon instead of a few weeks later, but at that point I decided to "finish the pack" that I had. No real reason. But I don't think a few weeks would have made a difference.
Meanwhile, although I've had a period each month since stopping them, I'm not sure my body was truly back to normal until maybe last month. I had light flows for a couple months. Then I had what was basically a 12 day period -- which I hoped was a good sign and meant my body was "cleaning out." But this last one was much heavier and more painful than the others -- more like I remember from pre-OCP's -- so I'm hoping that means that I'm back to baseline. So again, perhaps good luck in Europe!
The frustrating part comes from everyone around me. My friends who have 2 or 3 kids already. People younger than me who are pregnant. Not to mention the gazillion pregnant people I have to see walking around the hospital campus each day, and the newborns I see in the office. Sigh. And of course, people keep asking us when we are going to have kids. Like we can really control that, at the moment.
Somehow, on top of everything else, I've managed to discover the blogging world of people who have fertility problems (it was accidental but now I'm obsessed). I know I don't fall into that category, and I hope I never do! But now I'm completely immersed in this world of women who had trouble getting pregnant and/or staying pregnant. I'm not sure it's at all healthy for me to read those blogs everyday, but I'm eager to see how they are doing. I'm just hopeful I don't ever fit the terms of joining the community.
And finally, I realize that this blog is kind of weird. No one knows about it, and I like that I can be anonymous. But it's possible that one day I use this to record actual things about a pregnancy/baby and will want to share it with friends/family -- and in that case, I realize I may delete a lot of these older posts. But for now, it's a good place to just talk about what I'm feeling. Today, that means frustration, and stress, and sadness about not yet being knocked up.
On to a new cycle and a new opportunity, though, right? I had been charting but decided not to this month. We are leaving for Europe in a few days and will be there for 17 days! So maybe we will get lucky on vacation.
It's only been 4 months, and I know it can take time for the body to adjust post OCP's. But it is frustrating. Mr. W asked why I didn't go off the OCP's earlier, since it can take awhile, and I responded that I didn't want to have to worry about anything around the wedding and/or honeymoon -- and I think in retrospect, I wouldn't have done anything different. Maybe I would have stopped them immediately after the honeymoon instead of a few weeks later, but at that point I decided to "finish the pack" that I had. No real reason. But I don't think a few weeks would have made a difference.
Meanwhile, although I've had a period each month since stopping them, I'm not sure my body was truly back to normal until maybe last month. I had light flows for a couple months. Then I had what was basically a 12 day period -- which I hoped was a good sign and meant my body was "cleaning out." But this last one was much heavier and more painful than the others -- more like I remember from pre-OCP's -- so I'm hoping that means that I'm back to baseline. So again, perhaps good luck in Europe!
The frustrating part comes from everyone around me. My friends who have 2 or 3 kids already. People younger than me who are pregnant. Not to mention the gazillion pregnant people I have to see walking around the hospital campus each day, and the newborns I see in the office. Sigh. And of course, people keep asking us when we are going to have kids. Like we can really control that, at the moment.
Somehow, on top of everything else, I've managed to discover the blogging world of people who have fertility problems (it was accidental but now I'm obsessed). I know I don't fall into that category, and I hope I never do! But now I'm completely immersed in this world of women who had trouble getting pregnant and/or staying pregnant. I'm not sure it's at all healthy for me to read those blogs everyday, but I'm eager to see how they are doing. I'm just hopeful I don't ever fit the terms of joining the community.
And finally, I realize that this blog is kind of weird. No one knows about it, and I like that I can be anonymous. But it's possible that one day I use this to record actual things about a pregnancy/baby and will want to share it with friends/family -- and in that case, I realize I may delete a lot of these older posts. But for now, it's a good place to just talk about what I'm feeling. Today, that means frustration, and stress, and sadness about not yet being knocked up.
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