So we are back from vacation (17 nights in Europe), and AF showed up EARLY, of all things. I had really hoped to make a cute Italian baby. Sigh.
Meanwhile, I feel disgusting. I've struggled with my weight my entire life -- my most successful was on Weight Watchers (the first time) while in college, but I've always managed to gain the weight back. Nothing seems to ever stick, and I always have a good *reason* for gaining the weight, but it's frustrating.
Pre-wedding, I was pretty disciplined and lost about 15 lbs (after having lots about 10 the previous year). I was exercising and watching my diet. Also, it turns out the medicine I was taking for a headache-related diagnosis is a great appetite suppressant (I had no idea until I went OFF the medicine a month before the wedding. But alas, it's not a good drug for pregnancy, so no desire to go back on it).
Post-wedding, I was completely undisciplined. First it was the honeymoon, which I let myself enjoy. Then, it was crazy stress related to my job (and nailing down a job offer for next year). I went off my OCP's, and suddenly I was so hungry all the time! Hormones can do crazy things. Then we moved -- so first I didn't want to buy groceries in the old apartment, and then we didn't have the kitchen set up in the new apartment. So lots of ordering in/eating out took place. Including for breakfast -- I had stopped with the bagels a couple years ago, but no groceries --> nothing healthy to bring with me in the morning --> a bagel, or croissant, or something else along those lines. Throw in Passover in the middle of that (with all its super healthy food). And finally, all this TTC-related stress. Every time I get my period, I get totally bummed and out think that I "deserve" to eat whatever chocolate-y goodness I desire. I also keep thinking that I will get pregnant soon, and probably lose some weight in the beginning and then balance out by the end with required weight gain.
But meanwhile, before we even left for our trip, I was up 18 lbs from the wedding. In only six months!! Sigh, big sigh, another sigh. I have little motivation to get myself moving more, and the stress with each cycle is awful (why can't I be one of those women who loses weight when she's stressed?!?!).
My plan right now is to start with better eating. I'm going to finally order a big grocery delivery for this new apartment (which we moved into 2.5 months ago), and start with much healthier breakfasts and dinners (lunch hasn't really changed much -- soup, salad, or sushi, typically, if not leftovers). I'm also hoping that at least the weather will stay on the cooler side so I can start walking home from work -- a good 45 minute walk, but at least a little exercise (I walked to/from work almost everyday before we moved, and it took 15-20 minutes. Now I take the bus b/c it's much further).
On top of all this, clearly I am getting older -- b/c the weight is going to different places. At the end of a big meal, I already look 4-5 months pregnant, with this fat tummy! I've always had a flat, toned, stomach, so this is just strange for me. Age. Another sigh.
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