Trying to NOT be crazy

I knew that being pregnant again would be difficult, and I never expected it to happen again so fast. I think I'm still partially mourning the loss, and then the other half of me is trying to not get too excited about this pregnancy.

I can't stop peeing on sticks, of course. Even splurged for more FRER's -- the BMW of the home pregnancy test! -- but seeing my test line so dark was is so reassuring.  (Since I've decided FF is smarter than me, the dates marked on the tests are 2 days ahead of where I think I must be -- so 21dpo for the bottom one)

But then today I was comparing pics of my current WONDFO progression with the ones from last time, and I think I was actually darker for each given time point on the WONDFO!  If anything, they are the same. Definitely not darker this time around, which I was hoping I would be. I *know* those tests are cheap for a reason, and I shouldn't get so hung up on it, but it is making me slightly crazy.

Then there's the progesterone. My first level was perfect -- 26. When they checked 2 days later, it was a little bit lower -- 21. Of course this freaked me out, and I texted my OB on our way to the airport (and after office hours: have I mentioned that I love her?). She told me she thought it was fine but she was happy for me to come back for another test in a few days. I ended up deciding not to -- I am trying really hard to NOT be a crazy person! >20 is still fine to maintain a pregnancy, the level can fluctuate based on a lot of things (time of day, whether you ate, etc.). The tube of blood must have been sitting out forever b/c even though I went earlier in the day for the test, it was resulted much later -- so that could affect it too.  Plus there are a lot of people who think a low progesterone is just a sign that a pregnancy is non-viable, not the cause.

Meanwhile, I'm definitely more symptomatic than last time. Still random waves of nausea -- nothing to keep me from eating, though. Often followed by diarrhea. Crazy need to pee even when my bladder isn't really full. And the boobs! OMG. I wouldn't call it "tender," b/c that's pain when you touch. They hurt from the inside out. Mr. W thinks they are bigger. The nipple part is definitely bigger & darker, and more veiny.  So I know something is happening inside.

Finally, I ended up telling my sister last weekend. I needed to tell someone and it was helpful having a co-conspirator over the weekend, as I drank nothing but tonic & lime! She is, of course, super excited. I told her about the loss as well, so she also understands why I'm not crazy excited (yet).

12 days til my appointment. I would love to be more symptomatic but I'll take what I can get. Every time I pee I hold my breath until I check the toilet paper. I need time to pass more quickly!