Major Life Changes

All within one year's time:

• Get married -- check (December 11, 2011)
• Go on honeymoon -- check (January, 2012)
• Start TTC -- check (February, 2012)
• Move into new apartment -- check (March, 2012)
• Travel to Europe for 2 weeks -- check (May/June, 2012)
• Start new job as faculty member -- check (July, 2012)
• Get BFP -- check (July, 2012)
• Have a loss -- check (July, 2012)
• Get another BFP -- check (August, 2012)
• Deal with pregnancy after loss -- check (Sept/Oct/Nov, 2012)
• Lose job and decide to move to another state -- check (December, 2012)

Yup. Yesterday sucked big time. A little background -- when I graduated residency 2.5 years ago, I was told that to be hired in my division (general pediatrics), one had to complete a fellowship. So I arranged for a 2 year fellowship at my own program, with the promise of a faculty position at the end of those two years (as opposed to accepting a fellowship position at a better program at a different hospital).

Then, the person who hired me -- the chair of my division -- left our hospital. AND we got a new chair of the department. Rules changed. The following spring, they had shoes to fill in the division -- so they hired two girls who were straight out of residency, no fellowship training. Then one of those girls moved into a different spot after a year, so her job "opened up." When it came time to negotiate for my faculty position, they wanted to hire me to fill her spot. Which I didn't want to do! I have more training than that. But they dragged their feet for so long that I was basically forced into it -- it was too late to look for anything else. So I ended up with responsibilities that I didn't want, and a salary that was much lower than it should have been for someone with fellowship training. I sucked it up, knowing it was for a year, and vowed I would renegotiate for the following year. I love the people I work with, I love my patients, and I'm just not ready to leave this program yet.

So back to yesterday. I had gotten an email from the secretary of the Department Chair a couple weeks ago to set up a meeting -- I asked if it was about next year, she said yes, and I wrote back that she was clearly getting a head start! I figured she wanted to talk about changing needs of the division and where I could fit in best. But I was wrong. She just wanted to tell me that I won't be reappointed for next year -- she has to give me six months warning.

She started giving me a couple reasons -- basically all having to do with the one part of my job I never wanted to do and got suckered into doing (covering the well-baby nursery). I am sharing that aspect with another girl, and she was supposed to start in August but messed up and couldn't start til November. I thought I had been very flexible in covering a lot of extra days, but I could not cover the Jewish Holidays in October -- she was supposed to work those days, and I had always planned on being out. That was apparently not a team player thing to do, insist on someone else covering it. Then when I found out that I was being forced into keeping my Friday afternoon preceptor spot AND taking the Thursday night evening clinic spot, I had asked for Friday mornings as my administrative session, so I would be able to prepare for Shabbos. I had immediately followed that up by explaining I never intended to NOT be at work, but coming in at 8am is very different than coming in at 9:30am. She was apparently APPALLED that someone would ever ask for/state such a thing.

During the meeting, I started to explain myself on both of these. Then I just stopped. Why put in the effort to explain it? Clearly she's made her decision. She wants to hire people without any training to fill spots they are never going to keep past 1-2 years? Fine. She's making a HUGE mistake, when she would hire/keep people who have clear devotion to the program, a desire to stay in academics, and training for and the desire to do research and publish on behalf of her program. What an idiot. And a bitch.

After the BFP(s), and realizing how expesnive it would be to stay in NYC to raise a child, our plan had been to stay here another couple years, b/c I love the people I work with and my patients. After that we would move closer to my family, and Mr. W would be able to take "reciprocity" in a few other states -- pass the bar without studying for it, basically. So now my hand has been chosen for me, and we'll move this summer. I imagine we'll move sometime in August, when baby will be 8-10 weeks old. Hopefully to Atlanta, if I can find a job to start Sept/Oct. Since I won't be able to start July 1st, which is the start of the academic year, I have VERY little chance of finding an academic position. So on to private practice it is! Something I never wanted to do, but maybe I can find a part-time position that will likely pay what I'm making now to work 60 hours/week.

My assumption (and I need to find out for sure) is that I will get maternity leave through June 30th, when my contract expires. Then I"ll be on my own until starting something new. I was expecting 6 weeks paid/6 weeks unpaid, so really the loss is in the benefits -- and Cobra is freaking expensive, especially for 3 people. After 6 years there, I won't even get a full maternity leave!! Plus since the Jewish holidays are early in September this year, and it doesn't make sense to start a new job immediately by asking for 8 days off, I'll probably start something in October -- so an extra month with no pay/benefits. Plus moving expenses, and baby expenses! There goes all our savings. So I'm sure we'll be renting a place for a few years, and not buying anything. Oh well. (I could theoretically apply for unemployment, but only for as long as we are still in NY state and officially you have to be willing to accept a new job, which doesn't work for maternity leave -- so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place there.)

It also means -- and I will for sure talk to my OB about this -- that if I go past my due date, I won't even get the 6 weeks of paid maternity leave. So either I can start leave early (before baby arrives), or I'll be looking at a non-medical reason for an induction. I'm guessing the former will end up happening, which is fine. It'll give me a firm "last day" and let me plan in terms of coverage and handing off my patients to other providers.

If this was going to happen, I guess now is the best time. I was prepared to not like what they were offering me and to leave anyway, but at least then it would have been my choice. But better to leave now and start over fresh now then to decide to leave after we have a full routine figured out with the baby. And now I REALLY don't feel bad about not buying/preparing for baby, since we'll likely be moving so soon -- no need to buy furniture or anything else that I don't absolutely need. Can buy it all once we have a place with enough room!

I didn't sleep well last night, so I called in sick today. Feels good to just hang out on my couch. I think I'm done wallowing -- although I'm not done with my anger toward the chair/department -- and ready to start figuring things out. Although Mr. W and I agreed to wait til January before really doing anything, since we are traveling so much this month. It's unlikely I'll be able to find a job now for October anyway, but I should start calling in contacts and everything. Sigh. Lots to do!

Coming later today: posts about being 17 weeks (anatomy scan!!), and about the future of this blog. :-)